I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
