Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
