that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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