Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
