I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
