I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
