Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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