good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize