Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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