oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
