the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
