Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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