Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
