Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
