Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
