i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
