dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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