I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
