I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
