i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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