We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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