I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
