I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
