I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
