someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize