need another drink. this is the easiest way
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
