Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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