so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
