I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's shark week go big or go home
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
