as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
