New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
