Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
