Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
