I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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