Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
handjob tips. give me some.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
