You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
