i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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