I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
