Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
