I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
