eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize