Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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