The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
wow bdsm is so cute
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
