3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Come share oat with me in your robe
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
