saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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