I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
