If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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