There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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