Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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