I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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