Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So much rum. So many feels.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
