I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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