Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
