I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
