I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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