So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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