I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
