I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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