I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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