I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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