No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
