i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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