Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
