i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
