Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
