Will you blow on my dice?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
