sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
