that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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