There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
