They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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