Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
