Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
