What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize