If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She's better-looking with the mask on.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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