nut hugger
she was so not down for the gang bang
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
